I know I should have done this post on Friday but things happened too fast I did not even get any free time. It all started in the early morning as I showered hoping to wash away the bad memories that haunt me at night in form of dreams as well as getting ready for the day .It started with an sms from her, then my mom called like she has always done on such a day that she once fainted for two hours, then later other sms’s from my two sisters and my only bro came. Either I had not seen this coming – or I had already washed away even my good memories in the bathroom. My facebook’s inbox was full of messages from ndugu,jamaa na marafiki as well as my foes. My mailbox was equally jammed and i was tempted to switch off the phone, as it was becoming a nuisance. If I were in high school right now and it was not a holiday as it is, then i would be stripped naked and tied to post and washed with buckets of muddy water as we did to all during their big day. Just like last year, a few presents here and there and as usual no celebrations. Just like last year, I have made a few resolutions. Just like last year the resolutions will last for at most a week. It is now official, mboiz turned twendi fae and hopes to live longer than one Ann Nixon Cooper.

AOB

Christmas is here again, and as usual, I wish I were a kid – it made more sense then.

Happy holidays and remember not to drink and drive. Be safe.

Merry Christmas and a blessed 2009

Last Saturday the first ever Generation Jipange concert at Uhuru gardens took place. The event aired live on NTV. Our so-called artistes and a few of their colleagues from TZ graced the event and the turnout was overwhelming going by what I saw on TV. Mungatana was also present. One Mr. Vega’s was the chief guest artist.

I watched most of the artistes perform and I must say that most of our musicians have a lot to learn in terms of live performances. (I even do not know why they call them live whereas all they do is mime). If you have ever watched a live performance on MTV by say chamillionaire, Kanye West, 50 or any other artist for that matter you know what I mean. Most of our artistes are copycats of the Western artistes; I do not know why they have never copied the live performance aspect. How do you get the mic and the first thing is shout “Piga Nduru”,“wapi nduruuuu” or “mikono juu ya hewa” or even worse you pull that Kalonzo stunt “nipeni wiper”? I have nothing against involving the audience, but my beef is when to do it. You can never start with a climax, if you perform well the climax comes automatically and you will not even have to request anyone to scream… (pun somehow intended)

My other problem is the DJ’s. Is it just me who does not understand why DJ’s never let all the good songs play to the end?

Anyway, the whole event was not that bad though am yet to understand what the so-called movement is all about. At first, I thought it was social or creating HIV awareness among the youth but the more I listened each of the speakers (esp. KJ) the more I felt it was somehow political. Time will tell what the whole movement is all about.

AOB

A reliable source told me that in Zimbabwe if you go for drinks you buy all the drinks you want to have and pay for them immediately. If you decide to have a bill, the first drink will be the cheapest and the last one the most expensive…..as in by the time you are done with one drink, the prices have gone up…and people are complaining of inflation here in Kenya.

Who will remove this hidiot from office…..

his time is up!!!

Many things scare me. Some can scare me to death – like nightmares. The most scary are those where am falling in an abysmal pit latrine and then just before I land, I wake up – my heart doing a very fast kapuka or genge beat and my whole body soiled in sweat. Those who know me well know that apart from such nightmares, the reptile that brought sin to mankind and water that is not in a glass or a karai nothing else really bothers me much to scare the hell out of me.

Those who know me can attest that examinations, CATS and tests have never scared me.
I remember my first test- in nursery (where I came we did not have sijui Pre unit, Nursery 1, nursery 2 and nursery 3 – it was just nursery school. Period). The test involved putting your hand across your head to touch your ear. And I failed – even though I could do a,b,c,d in reverse. WTF seriously- what if a kid has dwarfed hands! In primo, I was not scared as I did my KCPE; neither did I get shivers just before my KCSE like the current generation that is scared of some mock exam. In campus, it was fun dubbing assignments, CATS and even the main exams– how I got away with it unlike some people who were caught on their first attempt only God knows.

Those who know me had better know that the results of such examinations, CATS, assignments, and all never scared me. I know that the results things like CPE and CSE somehow shaped who or what I am – but I was not worried even a bit. You will agree that getting results was the scary part with so much tension as your teacher dropped the bombshell. After that life inaendelea kawaida.

HOWEVER, there is one test that I did sometimes that was the most difficult ever in my life. Ill never forget the torture my mind went through and the anxiety. The agony I went through before I got the results. Not that the test is difficult…..ah no. For a person who had mastered the art of cheating, it was difficult since there was not even a chance to cheat. It is the simplest to “mark” for the examiner but the most feared by many a potential “candidates”. The effect on your life is what the problem is. The results take only 15 minutes or thereabouts. These 15 minutes were the longest I have ever lived. In other words, the 15 minutes were like a full year. In fact, I later realized every second of waiting was like one day – and my mind would recount on so many occasions I had done “something” stupid.

Here is just a snippet of what I was thinking:

That clande at F2 last year…… but I think I was not too drunk to not to protect…. no.

That mboch from my former neighborhood has reduced nowadays….no maybe she is not feeding.

And the one who seduced me…..Fcuk what happened to her, been sometime since I heard from her. Is she OK?

What if? How much longer will I live?? No…..Ngoja results.

And what is this pimple….Gosh is this a rash……Ngai fafa

Do I tell her after I get the results?

And so on and on…All this time the “examiner” was busy doing what they do best. Yapping and more yapping about how life will go on kama ni kubaya!! I was not even listening – my mind was too preoccupied.

The results are not the problem for many “candidates” – since after all umeamua kufanya exam. The wait is the problem. I know of people who reach the doorstep to the exam room and then cannot get in. I know of one who could not wait and instead left his number and email address for the results to be posted to them. I have heard of others who susu or even worse pupu (vocab courtesy of my 8 yr old cousin) on themselves in the course of the long wait. I know it is difficult to most but today being December 1st why not muster some courage to do the test and keep the promise to stop a natural disaster.

Idiot of the week:

this guy:

Speaker of our national assembly Mr. Kenneth Otiato Marende Makende for comparing paying of taxes to charity and philanthropy. How can a person learned like him utter some nonesense on national TV….WTF seriously.

Do I even remember how to blog. It has been a while …

**looks around**

Well am now officially in the office from my leave. I am sure I will have problems waking up early in the morning after my looooong off– lakini am sure ntazoea with time. Nothing sucks big time than that alarm forcing me to scratch the ninios so early as I take a cold shower.

Apparently, a lot has changed when I was away apart from having a black president in stato. See, a new member of staff – I think a graduate trainee/intern or something of that sort joined and is assigned to me plus it is a SHE. That is a good thing, I like working with women hoping that I will understand them somehow. At least my workload will go down. This proves that the hidiot who took over from me was unable to handle well the tasks and that they overwork me.

**sighs**

Now this lady is something. Amesimama mbaya as we say in the hood. You know the ripe ones with curves in the right places and all. In addition, her hair is well meticulously kept. I think this explains why my colleagues are overstaying in my cubicle that I call my office in the name of kunijulia hali after my one-month’s absence. Kwanza if she comes in a mini! Wacha tu, the number of “visitors” increases to an average of 5. I am tempted to katia her lakini naona hapana – we are in the same office and I do not think it can work out. Plus am her boss ….but do I sssaut(archer 08). The most I can do ni kukula na macho. I have caught two guys drooling I guess subconsciously. Yaani ile muhadhara….. I had to shake one before a drop of saliva oozing on his lower lip dropped… another one almost swallowed a fly- haki – I kid you not.

I wonder how beautiful ladies feel knowing they attract too much attention from the opposite sex. How does it feel knowing all eyes are on you? How does is it feel knowing every dude wants to have you? How does it feel knowing many a “mr president” want you to one day hold them and direct them to your ………usiulize wapi. She is taking it easy and cool.

I really learnt a lot when I was away – especially about employment. Employment is bullsht – for real! In Kenya when in any kind employment you are like a proletariat – your labor power in comparison to the digits on a piece of paper in name of a pay slip are incomparable. I used to feel contented before but time has come for me to say enough, I want no salary increment; I want nothing to do with the bourgeoisie class that we have in this country – rather I want to be like them in a petit manner though. I am tired of seeking some fcked approvals in every decision that I make. I am tired of being bossed around. I will be my own boss soon.

I want to join the business world. I know its going to be tough for me as a starter but I believe where there is a will there is a way. I have a strategy that am optimistic will work out well. I can feel it even in my blood. Employment has never been meant for me. If my plan does not work am ready for whatever! Kwani WTF – I have been in tighter situations and managed to pull through. The only way to make money quick is biashara. Two guys we graduated with joined the business world and are making good money. Yaani mpaka one has bought a ploti and is starting to build his own house soon! By the time, he is 28 or thereabouts he will not be paying rent! That is the life I want and will get.

Wait I finish training this mama and have her employed- then start drafting my resignation.

AOB:

I was watching Vitimbi – the one of Mama Kayai and Mzee Ojwang (Yeah am that old skull). I must say that it remains one of my favorites even with the competition from upcoming local productions. There are some characters like one Nyasuguta , her husband Mogaka, a certain Walia that I find hilarious. Then there are others like Ngomongo and a Maasai guy who goes by Proffesa that crack me up. BTW what happened to Baba Ziro – (remember him- that guy with the strongest Kyuk accent ever who featured along one Maiduda and Sikwekwe in a program called Kinyonga)- they should feature him in either Vioja or Vitimbi. Long live Vitimbi. – mmetoka mbali – you are better off than most of your competitors.

Last Saturday after a night out with the boys, I decided to call my guys to find out if they all arrived in their respective residences OK. I was hoping that nothing like this would happen.

With the exception of one guy (who was mteja); all the others confirmed they were all safe. I then decided to give the missing guy time to recover from his hangovers hoping he would put the phone on. By around 2 in the afternoon his phone was still mteja. May be there is a network problem….but NO. Or something is wrong with his phone. I doubted that. Something must have happened to him. Yeah!! But what??? I had no idea.

So I called another Mboiz and off we went to his Crib. A big padlock was dangling on his door, and the door was locked from outside. The neighbour confirmed that he didn’t hear his usual traditional circumcision songs or any other incoherent noise the previous night meaning that he didn’t spend there. Now WTH could he be??? Why am I worried? I asked myself. I called his Wife (to be)- and she had no idea. So I rested my case then- hoping he would at least show up by Sunday.

By mid day Sunday, there was not a word from him. His wife (to be) called very worried.

“May be we should try looking in all police stations, hospitals, and mortuaries in that order” I advised though i was a bit pissed off as it meant missing the Liverpool Vs Chelsea game. So off we went to the police stations. The first police station – nothing. The second one we were lucky. He was booked in there. I sighed – now this meant a lot of begging to have him released.

Policemen never cease to amaze me. He was booked under Crime-his crime mugging. I tried to insist that there must have been a mistake but you know how this guys are – harsh and arrogant. None would listen to me. The reason for booking one under crime with something like mugging as i found out later is that there is NEVER going to be a complainant, so its easy for one to be released after following the “procedures”

“Huyu chamaa ni mwizi….tunapeleka yeye koti kesho saa nne” one insisted.

this is a thief, he will appear in court tomorrow.

I begged them to let me talk to him to which they agreed. If you have been to a Kenyan cell, you at least have an idea of how hell will be. There is usually a leaking bucket at the farthest comer that serves as the lavatory. The space is so small inside and there is only one small ventilation. The smell is more conc than tear-gas – urine, stool, sweat, hot air, vomit, cigarettes and in some instances marijuana smoke all mixed up. All the guys eyes are RED due to that smell.

When my good friend came he was out of his cell, his eyes were red and sore. I got his side of the story. He was not a mugger as they purported. He was arrested somewhere along Moi Avenue as he staggered his way home. Word of advise – never stagger anyhow in town especially at night – especially if you have a forty bob to take you home.

Kenyan policemen are the brightest chaps i know so far. They know how to make a kill so fast. One of this chaps approached us and offered to assist.

“Ongea na mimi vizuri” He said.

Talk to me well

It dawned on me that we had to part with something if he was to be released. Let anyone who has never been tempted to bribe or bribed a policeman be the first to cast the first stone. This things happen everyday even after the anti corruption guys putting those “Report all cases of corruption…” posters all over governmental institutions.

The chap wanted a cool 3000KES – and he had a breakdown for that.
1000KES- for the person who made the arrest.
1000KES – for himself.
1000KES – for the OCS (his boss) to approve the release.

I had been to this place before and i know how they operate. If you go straight to the OCS or the deputy OCS you part with way less amount. If you are bright enough you know that the higher a rank the person you are bribing is the lower the amount.

The OCS’s are the most difficult persons to deal with especially if you have never dealt with him before. Their fear is that you may have been sent by Anti Corruption guys to bust them. Having dealt with this one before, i did part with one thousand bob and that was it. No hustles, i knew what he wanted and he knew what to do. You should have seen his smile as he canceled my friends name and then put a big comment next to his name. “no complainant” is was the comment. He then put the next day’s date and gave orders for the release.

Pic of the day

In other news, i don’t like the stand our politicians have regarding the Waki report. I do not want to rant about this anymore- am tired. Come 2012 Dec – every man for his own and God for us all.

If you know not what is GENGE; this is not the place you should be,

If you have never heard of CALIF; this is not where you should be,

Worse still, if you’ve never heard of juacali; this is not the place for you….but may be I can assist you here…. if you are in Nairobi or Kenya for that matter, ask any kid above the age of 4yrs and there you will get an answer.

As I promised in my last post; this is about juacali’s latest album – NGELI YA GENGE released a few weeks ago. The album retails at one guoko, chwani, finje hundred and fifty bob (150 KES)- thats approximately less than 2 US Dollars. One thing I liked about it is the way it was marketed. What they did is use this station’s afternoon show to market the album. The presenter gave out a suffericon number where listeners were to MPESA 150 bob and then one would get a call from the same number requesting for your location to have it delivered. I tried out and within 30 minutes the receptionist called me for a package from Calif Records.

The album has 10 serious tracks. Apart from Ngeli ya Genge, Niimbie and Kwaheri that played on Radio, the rest unless you work for calif or you have the album you haven’t anything about them.

The intro(duction) is by one Allahola (the one hit wonder of the napenda maboch fame). He comes out as a good rapper throughout and is even featured in other tracks within the album.

The second track -miaka is a solo project by juacali himself. He does his autobiography ever since he was born (miaka moja)1 year up to when he gets miaka 100 (one hundred years). In each year he gives an account of something outstanding that took place in his life in his usual characteristic humorous way.

Karatasi comes next. This one features one Brayo. (I guess this is the same Brayo who did a collabo with Kah (of ukooflani) sometimes back in mid 90’s). Here juacali raps the 3 verses whereas Brayo does the chorus. This is basically a rant on how people use Karatasi(money) to corrupt others,- especially in our court rooms. After listening to this one, you realize how life is unfair to all those who do not have any money to bribe.

After an interlude comes in Ngeli ya Genge. The album track is named after this track album. (you can delete as you find it appropriate). It is a tight joint (as Radio presenters put it). My only problem is its recently released video (You must have watched its video on TV). I know not much about music videos but if you’ve have watched all Luche Productions, their difference is most of the times the same. I think its time Calif tried someone else doing videos for them -at least for a change.

Hey,hey comes up next for all those who like shaking their behinds. The beat is more of Kapuka than Genge. It features a lady who goes by Jedidah (I think she is better than the late Lady S (RIP)), and a guy alpha msanii. I believe clemmo is trying to introduce this two unknown artistes to the public domain through juacali. Each one of them does a verse and they do not disappoint either. i suspect this will be the next release on Radio.

After the 2nd interlude comes in “Niimbie” featuring a lady who goes by the name Enika. Its the only single that is produced outside Calif Records. The producer is Mandugu Digital. As I do this post, its currently at number 1 in Eve De Souza’s show (Hits not homework:- Top 9 at 9). Be sure to tune in to capital FM around 9.30pm on any weekday, and make an opinion of it.

Yor must have heard of Mejja:- the guy who did “Jana Kulienda aje”- a heavy drunkard’s story. He is also featured on this album in the next track-Bongo la Biashara. Mejja is a good artiste but I think he has a low opinion or no respect at all for all ladies or women in general.
In his “Jana Kulienda aje” solo – he describes one of his characters mama Kathambi as “yule matha ana miguu”………WTF, what a line!!!!???? I hate it when one describes a woman using such terms. Then again in another single with Jimw@t and Madtraxx called Mezesha (released after the “raudi hii si mchezo”) he again rapped yapped something that went like “…….kupayuka kama wamatha…”. WTH does he think doing such sexist lines. Anyway, this tells us so much of what this dude thinks about ladies and women in general In this track he also does his “woman lines”……..(he starts Habari mama) but I guess juacali must have cautioned him of yapping something stupid. In this track he raps quete well and doesnt dissapoint.

The next track twende juu “sexist” mejja is also featured with Allahola (who did the intro),Roudy,AU,K Souja, and Linda. One thing i noted is juacalis collabo with underground artistes are all Kapuka.

The next two are my favourite:- Chakula Kinywanji Ft Jimw@t and Ndizo Yizo Ft Jemmoh.

I like the way jimw@t attacks underground artistes

MC’s mnajidai mko chini ya maji,
Huko chini hamna ganji,
Bado sisi ndio tunatawala,
tunabaki mkae tu mafala,
Vako za kuroga ni mingi,
ndio maana nakastika nikiskia mkiroga ka Chingy,
“Right Thurr” jo hamjazz,
mnaimba rap ama mnaimba jazz,
mnaroga crap jamaa si rap……….

This kid is headed places. There is a solo he has done “sitoi kitu kidogo” that is quite on point. Juacali on his part proves that he can rap to a fast beat as he does the next verse. I look forward for jimw@ts collabo feat serious rappers like Chiwawa, Abbass or Bamboo.

Ndizo Yizo feat Jemmoh the next one has strong lyrics. This is how it starts.

...Kutoka siku ya kwanza uliskiza Dr. Dre,
ukajiambia hey,
nataka kuwa rapper one day…..

Serious stuff i tell you.

If you havent heard “Kwaheri”- siezi kusaidia. it has been played for far too long. This is the last one in this albulm and i wont comment on it.

On totally other issues, why is it that both Ruto and Ntimama are talking bullshit with regard to the Waki report?? Kwani they are in that envelope??? I suspect so. As a person who knows many friends who were affected by the Post election violence- I suggest we hang all those guys in that envelope by their balls or mothafckincunts. Fcuk AMNESTY(*10). Kwani amnesty ndio nini?? We had amnesty for guys in 1992 and 1997. that enough!!!! The notion that prosecuting those involved will disintegrate this gava stupid is total BULLSHIT. South Africa and Nigeria among other countries did not disintegrate. Saddam was hanged and nothing serious happened- in any case the country is more intact.

there is a line in our national anthem “Justice be our shield and defender” If then some people will be forgiven this line should be edited to “Mercy,amnesty, bullshiet be our shield and defender”

Am waiting to see what will happen.

Am off to have a Tusker:- Weekend na ianze!!!!!!

Last week I went to an ATM, see, it was one of those days you have nothing in your pockets, apart from a hankie, a tattered wallet and a twedi.mbao 20 bob. Then there was a mama I was supposed to take out (sometimes am generous). So I chucked in that plastic in that kaslot, put in the pin and waited. Balance inquiry, and waited – anxiously. Shock on me!! Hakuna pesa…….

Now WTH is going on- I wondered aloud.

Si sonko boss alisema kuna advance. Sometimes the guy upstairs pulls some stunts sielewi – and this was definately one of them. How could HE do this to me especially at such an hour of need??? I wondered to myself – aloud.

The security guy must have heard me talking to myself, – “igo nini gichana”.

I tried to explain to him how I suspected someone within the Bank had stolen my hard earned money.

“Ladba system igo down” he said. “Piga simu watagusaitia”

So I called, and gave my story. And as this security guy had said- the system was down- but they were working on it.

I rested my case- disappointed of course.

On a different occasion I delayed paying my power bill- not that I didn’t have money, but as usual it arrived late courtesy of the inefficient postal system. It was just after the introduction of their SMS system where you query your bill and get a reply with the amount due as per the due date, which I find more convenient.

On this particular day, I sent two SMS’s but did not get a reply despite having been charged on both occasions. Which makes me wonder why is it that this mobile service providers in Kenya charge for undelivered SMS’s? It has never made any sense to me.

We do however take this system’s issue to far. There was this lady I used to work with who called IT guys to fix her system every time she accidentally disconnected the mouse or the keyboard.

“Now this is pullshit” Kip the IT guy complained as he sorted out the “system”.

Even our politicians are not left behind. After an erection election that was a sham, they have all unanimously agreed that Kivuitu is not to blame. Rather there is need to come up with a better system of voting.

No wonder Mashifta believe hii ni system ya majambazi.

I believe it is only in Kenya where everything is blamed on “systems”. Go to any public office and get a guy unwilling to assist you. They give you that Wako smile and then explain to you that their system is down. I wonder what they expect you to do next.

In other news; am officially on leave till sometimes mid November. Maisha mtaani ni poa (Life is good). I got a juacali album that I intend to a post about next.

After Mc Same/Shame/Bush Cain referred to our cousin from Kogelo as “that one” during the second Presidential debate; someone actually decided to do “that ones” biography here. I was surprised that there “that ones” T-shirts available.

check that one:

and that other one

even that bumper sticker

Now lets wait for one of the musicians to release a single called “that one” It will hit the airwaves (and Kenyan Matatus of course) so hard more than Tupac or any musician ever did.

i can now see “that one” winning; and i wish him all the best; and that weekend he will be announced the winner, most people Kenyans will toast to this:

and forget the tuskers and other brands for a while…..Go “that one” go!!!!

In other unrelated saddening news, Kamangu passed away. Were it not for him; many Kenyans would not have heard of “Maendeleo ya Wanaume”. It is sad that he died without getting the conjugal rights his lawyers spent so much time in our court corridors fighting for. I wonder whether Hon. Dr. Rev. Bishop. Assist. Minister (someone assist me here- how should this titles flow) Wanjiru’s family and ministry will attend the burial.

I remember this guy being disowned by his own son at a press conference. I actually tried to rewind the TV – yaani I could not believe it. However much you detest, dislike, or loathe your dad because he disowned you when you were young. The fact remains he is REMAINS your dad; mosquitos at one time bit him trying to sire you, whether you like it or not.

“That one” knows it- that is why he visited Kogelo sometimes back.

RIP Kamangu.

I was going through the album to see whether I would recognize someone the other day. You know guys nowadays have a tabia of dying without a warning… (yaani ofyo ofyo kama kuku) and that is where the said album comes in handy. Sometimes I actually find someone I recognize from somewhere like my previous institutions of learning, a former colleague or even upcountry and of course am shocked….but not to worry, everyone will have to use that route when their time comes – or so the saying goes. There is a line from I think a group calling itself mashfta in one of their few hip hop songs that goes “Kifo ni moja; shinda ni kuingoja” (which directly translates to you will encounter death once; problem is waiting (for it))….which is so true.

Now; this post is not about the album,its contents or mashifta for that matter, its about something I found on the pages before ithe albulm – the classifieds. There is a ka section called Personal Services; under it there is a subsection Beauty whose contents I found quite interesting – like Freestyles, Amazing touch, 500 babes in town, 1 hour massage, Boys 2 Men massage, Babes in Town, Angels massage etcetera. Against each, there is a phone number. What goes on in these massages parlors’? I wondered aloud.

The only way to find out is to call and find out what services this parlors’ offer. Therefore, I randomly picked one and dialed the number…

Dialing
Hello? A lady answers the phone.

Mboiz: Hello, how are you? My name is Josh*; I just came from ATL last week and am on hols for the next one month. (I have to twang otherwise she will know am fake)

Lady: Nice to hear that…..so how may…

Mboiz: I got this number from one of the dailies regarding a service I urgently need. You know…

Lady: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we are offering massage services at a very affordable fee, am sure you will like it……

Mboiz: How much do you charge?

Lady: (Silence kidogo) 1500 bob only per hour. However, that depends on whether you come or not…

Ngai fafa…one k 500 1 hour……kwani she thinks am a kanjora or an MP

Mboiz: Ngoja kidogo (Wait a minute)…….what do you mean if I come???..

Lady: If you come its cheaper…..if the person doing the massage comes its expensive.

This lady must be kidding me… to me if I come; I should pay more…how then is it cheaper?

Mboiz: What if we both come? How much will I …

Lady: That is not possible…only either of you will come.

Now am stunned…kwani how is it done?aiiih yaani someone can control my coming

Lady: I mean come to your place.

Silence

I realize that am being a pervert.

Mboiz: Sawa, then who will do the job, I mean do you have a variety of professionals’……

Lady: Just come and chose the one you like then she will explain everything…and any other services you need, you will tell her, then you agree the cost.

Mboiz: So the 1,5 is……

Lady: That is the deposit sir, the extra charge you pay the one offering the service.

The last time someone addressed me as Sir…

Mboiz: Ok, then where are you located?

Lady: You know Laughter Road? There is a…..

Where is that road that laughs? This seems like a big joke. WTF? Is she trying to kid me or something..
Mboiz: Wait a second… I have been out of the country for a while now; I seem not to know such a road…

Lady: Westlands….just near..

Mboiz: Ooooh OK. Raphta Road. I see. I ll call you as soon as I say hi to all my buddies to book an appointment. Sawa?

Lady: Ok.

Am almost bursting @ the name of the road but I suppress until she disconnects.

After this conversation, I had so many unanswered questions regarding these parlors’. One thing am sure is that they are legally operating – as massage parlors’ otherwise they would not have the guts to advertise in the newspaper classifieds. The only beef I have is that most offer “extra” services offered along K Street at night. If that is the case then would I be wrong to say PIMP’s are running these parlors’? Or are they brothels? Is it legal in Kenya?

In totally unrelated issues:

Moi day is on a Friday that translates to a long weekend, Kenyatta Heroes day is on a Monday, and another long weekend….plus today is Idd. I wish October was every month.

Ever listened to the radio and then, the presenter asks a very simple question like “Which country had the most medals in the just concluded Olympic games? Send in your answers to (gives a short code say 1234) or send as an email to (gives an email address)” He/she goes like, “You stand a chance of walking away with say 5k”.

I have listened several times to such and came to conclude that guys who listen online are given the priority when it coming to getting the money. This is especially so in those stations are streamed….akina homeboyz na capital na kiss.

After so many people, sending their SMS’s the presenter at the end of the show announces the winner is listening online and the money to go to some relative here in Kenya. Of course, guys listening locally and had sent their SMS are not amused,

A fellow Mboiz and I decided to beat these guys in their own game. Therefore, when an opportunity arose from one of the said stations he sent a convincing e-mail from his laptop and said he was listening online from UK and nominated me as his cousin to get the money, a cool 4K. The mail had to be convincing enough with positive accolades’. So I waited anxiously, until they declared me the winner. Of course, the whole thing was pre planned; I almost burst out when I received that ka envelope and then a ka-t-shirt…at least weekend a bit catered for, I thought to myself as I shukad the stairs in case they changed their minds and found me waiting for the lift.

Then there is the famous Classic 105 Zain man, I must admit this one of the best marketing stunts pulled so far. I was among the multitudes on Kimathi Street that day he was supposedly there with some 50K to give away. I searched for him lakini wapi and the way I had feigned a flu so that I get to the office late.… I think the guys who get that money knows the guy, as in he calls his best friends and tells them where he will be, what he will be wearing e.t.c. and that will be a deal sealed. There is no way in Kenya you will dish out more than 200K a week to strangers without hooking up yourself anything….